Alzheimer’s is a progressive form of dementia that affects nearly 7 million Americans and their families. As Alzheimer’s progresses, providing care can be both emotionally and physically demanding. However, with the right approach, caregivers can make a significant difference in the lives of those they support, helping their loved ones live well and find joy, even while experiencing symptoms of dementia.

The following guidelines, called the “10 Absolutes of Dementia Caregiving,” are widely recognized as essential principles for providing compassionate and effective care.

While widely shared across many channels with various edits, the 10 Absolutes of Dementia Caregiving are said to have originally been developed in 1996 by Jo Huey, MSS. Jo Huey is an experienced advocate and trainer working with Alzheimer’s and other types of Dementia. She is a Director and Secretary of the Brain Institute of Louisiana. She also provides speaking, consulting, and training for the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute, where you can find many of her tools and trainings for purchase.

The 10 Absolutes

1. Never ARGUE, instead AGREE. Rather than engaging in a dispute, which can be upsetting for someone with dementia, try to validate their feelings by agreeing with them. For instance, if they insist it’s Christmas in August, consider responding with an agreeing statement like, “How great – that’s my favorite time of year!”

2. Never REASON, instead DIVERT. Logic often doesn’t work with dementia. Instead of trying to reason with someone, gently redirect their attention to a different topic or activity. Perhaps suggest a favorite song or a walk in the garden.

3. Never SHAME, instead DISTRACT. Feeling embarrassed can be distressing. If someone with dementia behaves in a way that causes discomfort, try to distract them with a positive activity or conversation.

4. Never LECTURE, instead REASSURE. Explaining or lecturing to someone with dementia can be overwhelming to the person with dementia, and frustrating for the caregiver. Instead, offer reassurance and support. For example, if they’re worried about losing their keys, say, “I understand you’re concerned. Let’s look for them together.”

5. Never say REMEMBER, instead say REMINISCE. The ability to remember declines with dementia. Focus on reminiscing about past experiences, which can be a comforting and enjoyable activity.

6. Never say I TOLD YOU, instead REPEAT. It’s common for people with dementia to forget things repeatedly. Rather than getting frustrated, patiently repeat yourself calmly and clearly.

7. Never say YOU CAN’T, instead say DO WHAT YOU CAN. Encourage independence while acknowledging limitations. Instead of saying “You can’t do that,” try “Let’s see what we can do together.”

8. Never COMMAND or DEMAND, instead ASK or MODEL. Giving orders can be upsetting. Use a gentle and respectful approach by asking or demonstrating what you’d like them to do.

9. Never CONDESCEND, instead ENCOURAGE and PRAISE. Treating someone with dementia like a child can be harmful. Offer encouragement and praise for their efforts, no matter how small.

10. Never FORCE, instead REINFORCE. Avoid physical restraint or coercion. Instead, use gentle redirection and positive reinforcement to guide behavior.